⏸ Pause & Check Journal

Choose one real leadership context—a team, class, program, group, or community space you lead or influence. Then work through the four steps.

1. NoticeWhat pattern or challenge am I noticing in my leadership context?

   Ask:

   • •When participation becomes difficult in this setting, what tends to get your attention first?
   • •What behaviors, reactions, or situations are easiest for you to notice?
   What I notice:

2. NameWhat assumption or interpretation do I tend to make?

   Ask:

   • •What meaning do you tend to attach to those behaviors?

   What do you tend to assume about people who:

   • •participate readily,
   • •hesitate,
   • •remain quiet,
   • •ask repeated questions,
   • •disagree, or
   • •respond differently than you expected?
   The assumption or interpretation I tend to make:

3. CheckWhat else could be true, or what might I be overlooking?

   The purpose of Check is to create room for possibilities you may not have considered at first. What else could be influencing how someone participates?

   Consider factors such as:

   • •clarity,
   • •confidence,
   • •previous experiences,
   • •power dynamics,
   • •communication preferences,
   • •culture or identity,
   • •access needs,
   • •stress,
   • •trust, or
   • •uncertainty about expectations.
   What else could be true:

4. ChooseWhat leadership practice do I want to strengthen?

   What is one leadership habit you would like to strengthen during this course? Consider something another person could actually notice you doing.

   For example:

   • •pausing before making an assumption,
   • •asking one more question before responding,
   • •explaining expectations more clearly,
   • •offering more than one way to participate,
   • •noticing who has and has not entered the conversation, or
   • •checking the impact of a decision instead of relying only on your intention.
   The leadership practice I want to strengthen:

Return to this page at the end of the course to notice what has changed.

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Think about a moment when someone’s behavior led you to make a quick judgment. It could involve silence, lateness, hesitation, disagreement, visible discomfort, confusion, resistance, or another behavior that caught your attention. An everyday interaction is enough.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •What did you actually see or hear?
   • •What happened in your own response?
   • •What did you want to do first?

   Did you notice yourself becoming:

   • •irritated,
   • •impatient,
   • •worried,
   • •defensive,
   • •uncomfortable,
   • •certain about what the behavior meant, or
   • •ready to correct or respond immediately?
   What I noticed:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What story did you begin telling yourself about the person or situation?
   • •What did you assume the behavior meant—disengaged, disrespectful, unprepared, resistant, uninterested, confused, or unwilling to participate?
   • •Now separate the story from the observation: What could I actually see, hear, count, quote, or verify?
   The story I told myself — and what I could actually verify:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •What else could be true? What information is missing?

   Could something like this also be affecting the situation?

   • •unclear instructions,
   • •processing time,
   • •confidence,
   • •communication style,
   • •previous experience,
   • •stress,
   • •uncertainty,
   • •the group format, or
   • •something you cannot see

   Consider: What question, participation option, or private check-in could help me learn more without putting the person on the spot?

   What else could be true:

4. Step 4Choose

   What response would protect dignity while still keeping the purpose, expectation, or boundary clear? What could you ask, clarify, offer, change, restate, or follow up on?

   Consider: Does my response address what I observed—or am I responding to the story I created about it?

   One response I could realistically use:

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Think about a group moment when someone became withdrawn, defensive, visibly distressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally intense. You do not need to choose a highly personal situation or know what caused the response.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •What did you actually see or hear?
   • •What happened in your own response?
   • •What did you want to do first?

   Did you notice an urge to:

   • •fix the situation,
   • •ask what was wrong,
   • •get an answer quickly,
   • •calm the person,
   • •correct the behavior,
   • •take control, or
   • •move away from the discomfort?
   What I noticed:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What explanation did you begin giving for the behavior?
   • •What did you assume the person felt, needed, intended, or was experiencing?
   • •What can I actually know without guessing about someone’s history, trauma, diagnosis, or intent?
   The explanation I began giving — and what I can actually know:

3. Step 3Check

   What could reduce unnecessary pressure right now? Consider predictability, meaningful choice, privacy, calm communication, more time, a clear boundary, a manageable next step, or another participation option.

   Ask:

   • •Is this within my role?
   • •Would this situation require another person, process, or level of support?
   What could reduce pressure, and whether it’s within my role:

4. Step 4Choose

   Ask:

   • •What could you say or do that supports dignity without requiring an explanation?
   • •What expectation or boundary still needs to remain clear?
   • •What is the smallest useful next step?
   • •If additional support is required, what established process would you follow?
   What I would say or do:

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Think about a belief or expectation about respect, engagement, maturity, commitment, leadership, or participation that has sometimes felt obvious to you. It may come from family, school, culture, community, past leaders, media, or your own experience.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •When does this belief tend to show up?
   • •What behavior or situation triggers a quick reaction in you?
   • •What do you notice about your level of certainty, comfort, irritation, trust, or doubt?
   What I notice:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What label or story do you tend to apply?
   • •What standard are you using to decide whether someone is respectful, engaged, capable, committed, ready, or difficult?
   • •Where might that standard have come from?
   The label or standard I apply, and where it may come from:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •What evidence actually supports your judgment? What evidence might challenge it?
   • •Would I interpret the same behavior the same way if someone else did it?
   • •Could familiarity, preference, stereotype, or a learned norm be influencing what feels “right” to me?
   What I find when I check:

4. Step 4Choose

   Ask:

   • •What would a fairer, more evidence-based response look like?
   • •What could you do to slow the judgment, gather more information, or apply the standard more consistently?
   My fairer response:

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Think about a moment when you realized that a behavior, phrase, expectation, or group norm that felt familiar to you carried a different meaning for someone else.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •What happened?
   • •What behavior, response, or difference first caught your attention?
   • •What was your immediate reaction to it?
   What I noticed:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What meaning did you initially give the behavior or difference?
   • •What did you assume was normal, respectful, appropriate, engaged, supportive, or expected in the context?
   The meaning I gave it:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •What else could have been true?
   • •How might culture, identity, communication style, relationships, context, or lived experience have influenced the understanding of the situation?
   What else could have been true:

4. Step 4Choose

   What could you do differently next time?

   Consider actions such as:

   • •asking a question instead of making a conclusion,
   • •changing the wording of a prompt,
   • •widening participation options,
   • •avoiding a public label,
   • •seeking another perspective, or
   • •allowing someone to choose what they disclose.
   What I will do differently:

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Think about a situation where giving everyone the same rule, format, time, or opportunity initially felt fairest.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •What was being offered or required?
   • •What made treating everyone the same feel fair or important to you?
   • •What concern comes up when you imagine adjusting the approach for someone?

   For example:

   • •“Other people will think it is unfair.”
   • •“Everyone should follow the same rule.”
   • •“If I change it once, I’ll have to change it for everyone.”
   • •“Different support means lowering the expectation.”
   What I noticed:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What belief about fairness is underneath that reaction?
   • •Are you treating consistency of method as the same thing as consistency of expectation?
   • •What do you believe everyone should receive equally?
   The belief about fairness underneath:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •What is the actual purpose or standard?
   • •Is the current method essential to meeting it?
   • •Could the same rule or format create a predictable access gap for someone?
   • •Would an adjustment change the expectation—or only the conditions for meeting it?
   • •Am I protecting fairness, or am I protecting familiarity?
   What I find when I check:

4. Step 4Choose

   Ask:

   • •What could remain consistent?
   • •What could reasonably change?
   • •What support would address the access gap without removing responsibility or lowering the purpose?
   • •How will you ensure that the adjusted form of participation is treated as equally legitimate?
   What I would keep and what I would adjust:

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Think of a time when someone described an interaction differently than you remembered or understood it.

1. Step 1Notice

   Ask:

   • •What did the other person say?
   • •What was your immediate reaction?
   • •What part of their account was hardest for you to hear?

   Did you want to:

   • •correct them,
   • •explain your intention,
   • •defend yourself,
   • •prove what happened,
   • •solve the problem quickly, or
   • •end the conversation?
   What I noticed:

2. Step 2Name

   Ask:

   • •What were you treating as certain?
   • •What did you believe happened? What did you believe the other person was misunderstanding?
   • •Were you giving more weight to your intention, your memory, your role, your interpretation, or the information you had at the time?
   What I was treating as certain:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •What could you verify? What belonged to your interpretation? What belonged to the other person’s lived experience? What remained uncertain?
   • •Could their experience be real even if I understand the event differently?
   • •What could I acknowledge without pretending I know something I don’t?
   Separating the layers:

4. Step 4Choose

   What would a curious response sound like? Before finalizing, ask: Am I trying to win—or understand enough to respond well?

   One reflective statement:

   One genuine question:

   One appropriate next step:

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Think about the activities, conversations, and group experiences you lead or influence.

1. Step 1Notice

   What do you notice now that you didn’t notice before taking this course?

   What I notice now:

2. Step 2Name

   What assumption, habit, familiar method, or leadership preference may have shaped your previous understanding of the situation?

   What shaped my previous understanding:

3. Step 3Check

   Ask:

   • •Which course tool helped you look at it differently?
   • •Whose experience or perspective might still be missing?
   What I find when I check:

4. Step 4Choose

   What is one thing you will do differently as a result?

   What I will do differently:

Look back at your Starting Point reflection from Lesson 1. What has changed?

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